Institute of Men
Spirituality/Belief • Lifestyle • Education
This community exists to build and strengthen all Christian men at all stages of life. Deep philosophy, real life, wisdom from the scripture, the saints, and the great men of history. No fluff. No hype. This is a place to become the men Jesus Christ intends us to be.
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The Door Was Locked

It was raining in New England this morning as I prepared for work. I am not used to the downpours that happen in Massachusetts because where I’m from, it sprinkles for 20 minutes and then skies clear. Not so here. It’s torrential. The water gathers in the streets and it is impossible to see through windshield. So I decided to work from home this morning.

I said my “goodbyes” and headed upstairs to the little office space we have. My to do list was longer than I could get done in a day and all of it felt urgent so I locked the door and got right to work. I was checking off my easy boxes first to gain some momentum in the day, preparing to do some writing for my work. Right as I started to write, I heard the sweetest little voice coming up the stairs with mommy.

“Daddy!”

My daughter had realized I was still at home and she was excited to play with me.

She ran over to the door, yanked on the door handle only to realize the door was locked and she couldn’t get in to see me. Her sweet little voice was immediately replaced by cries and tears.

I didn’t answer or respond. I knew mommy was right there to grab her and be her comfort so I just kept working. I had a lot to do remember, more than I could get done in one day. I had to keep going. But then I had a thought.

“One day, I will be on the other side of a locked door, wishing my daughter would let me in.”

I couldn’t get to the door fast enough to scoop her up. (All of this transpired in about two minutes).

From my perspective, I had a lot to do. I needed to stay focused so that I wouldn’t lose precious time. I have people depending on me for responses and some people can’t move forward until I have done my part. I was doing what I had to do.

From my daughter’s perspective, she couldn’t get to daddy. Daddy had locked her out, he had separated himself from her. That was devastating to my little two year old. I don’t want to devastate my little girl.

I will probably never understand how important I am to my daughter. I know how important she is to me but I almost never think about or consider how important I am to her.

And now I am considering the pain every young son or daughter feels when their dad does not realize how important he is to them. When a dad forgets how vital he is to his children, he “locks the door”, separating himself from his children. Sometimes he works too much, sometimes it's emotional separation, and in the worst case, it means he is leaving to never return. That is painful to a child.

I want to be a dad who remembers how important he is to his children. I want to be a dad who remembers that his children need him so that I do not abandon my responsibility in their life.

I want to be a dad who keeps the door unlocked.

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The Worst Way to Make a Decision

On this wisdom Wednesday addition, I share what I think is the worst way to make a decision.

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Full Vision and Explanation

The Institute of Men exists to build, strengthen, and form men who in turn build God's Church, strengthen their marriages, and form their children in the ways of God.

Hear the story behind the channel and please share with any man of any age who could benefit from this work.

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Meet my first born son, Benaiah.

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A Man of Fortitude

In the summer of 2012 I made a somewhat spontaneous decision to get a tattoo. I do not recommend doing that but it is what I did.

I was in a season of life where I was trying to make sense of the faith. I was tossed to and fro by the waves of the world, double minded most of the time. I was about as stable as sand and had the backbone of an eclair. It seemed like the best time to get a tattoo. (Again, just don’t). So I went to get a tattoo. For whatever reason I decided on a Celtic font, in latin, on the exterior of my right arm.

What a combination.

Why latin? I don’t know.

Why a Celtic font? It looked cool.

“Verum Fortitudo” is what my tattoo says with a little inscription from Exodus 15:2. “The Lord is my strength and my song.” Verum means “truth and reality”, slightly different than the word veritas, and fortitudo means fortitude. When read together it means “true strength”. I have always been self-reliant and strong in body. Both have felt noble at times and both have felt futile at times. More and more it ...

August 04, 2023

Proud to support my son in this journey.

Churches with Pride Flags
The Decline of American Protestantism, what we can learn, and what it says about the future.

My favorite historian is a man named Paul Johnson. I discovered him somewhat on accident when perusing the history section at Barnes and Noble. He is a British born historian who has written about the history of America, the history of Christianity, and two great works on the intellectuals who became enemies of society.

His book, “A History of the American People” covers American history from the beginning attempting to answer the question, “was America a city shining on a hill?” Paul Winthrop famously told the puritans heading to America that the country would become a “city shining on a hill” because of the Christian society they would set up. Whether or not that happened has been debated by historians, including Paul Johnson as he examines American history from that perspective.

The book was published in 1997 and holds a special place in my heart because of the long quote below. I have long wondered about the state of American Christianity because of the decline of denominations, pride flags waving on mainline churches, and the rise of independent churches. I am constantly wondering, “what does this do to Christianity as a whole” and “what does this do to our society?”

Maybe we all might be wondering the same thing

 

This long quote below will be the basis for an exploration into American Christianity and its future. The quote may shock and depress you. I have been thinking about this a lot for well over two years and wondering what we men can do about it. Read the quote and say a prayer for Christians in our country.


The development of hostility in American culture affected the mainline American Protestant churches. By name, the mainline churches are: American Baptists Churches of the USA, the Christian Churches (Disciples of Christ), the Episcopal Church, The Evangelical Lutheran Church of America, the Presbyterian Church (USA), the United CHurch of Christ, and the United Methodist Church.

In order to exist in a hostile culture, the churches liberalized and to some extent secularized themselves. That in turn led them to alienate rank and file members. It is hardly possible to state how prominent these churches were in American history, with most Americans practicing Christianity in one of these churches, especially Methodist and Episcopalian. The governmental representation from these churches were strong. Every single president, except Kennedy, came from a mainline denomination. But even with all the power and wealth at the top, these churches were in rapid decline due to their liberalization and secularization.

They had been in decline throughout the 20th century, but a sharp turn downward happened in the 1960’s. One study, for instance, calculated that the Methodists had been using 1,000 members per week for thirty years. These seven mainline denominations as a whole lost between a fifth and a third of their members in the years 1960-1990, chiefly because they forfeited their distinguishing features, or indeed any features.

After the Episcopal Church’s General Convention of 1994, marked the bitter dispute over the right of practicing homosexuals to become or remain clergy, one official observer commented: ‘The Episcopal Church is in institutional free fall. We have nothing to hold onto, no shared belief, no common assumptions, no bottom line, no accepted definition of what an Episcopalian is or believes.’

Remember, these seven mainline churches were the bedrock of American Christianity.

By 1994, the mainline denominations were listed as having membership as follows:

American Baptists Churches: 1.5 million.

Disciples of Christ: 606,996

Episcopal Church: 1.6 million

Lutheran Church: 3.8 million

Presbyterian Church: 2.7 million

United Church of Christ: 1.5 million

United Methodists*: 8.5 million

*(The decline continues to happen in what remains of the mainline churches. United Methodists have lost an additional 2.78 million members in the last 30 years, which is approximately 93,000 people per year, for 30 years. That is 1,800 people per week.)

By contrast, the Roman Catholics, who had been America’s biggest single denomination since 1890 numbered over 60 million in 1994. The Southern Baptists numbered 16.6 million, and even mormons were at 10 million. These churches were still clear about their identities and distinguishing features. They taught specific doctrine, and maintained, though not without difficulty, especially among Catholics, their coherence and morale. The difficulty for Catholics was Vatican II.

It was during this time that the “moral majority” began to rise, approximately 50 million Protestant Christians from various backgrounds and off-shoots of the declining mainline churches. Together with Catholics, this ecumenical group of 110 million became the assertive face of Christianity and worked together to maintain some sense of stability in American Christianity in a country that was becoming increasingly hostile.

The decline of the mainline churches was still demoralizing to American Christians as they lost their way. The theologian Stanley Hauerwas of Duke Divinity School summed in up in 1993: ‘God is killing mainline protestantism in America and we goddam deserve it.’

The decline of the churches led to the decisive single development in America during the second half of the 20th century that would stain and plague American culture for generations to come: the decline of the family, family life, and the growth of illegitimacy, that is, children born out of wedlock and outside a strong family.”


That section of his book shocked me. It also helped me understand why so many churches, especially up here in the North East, have pride flags on their doors and 31 people in their pews. It sent me on a journey to understand Christianity more as a whole but especially in 20th century America.

It also had me wondering: What does the future of American Christianity look like? The late Tim Keller was not enthused about the future of American protestantism. He wrote a book about it just before he passed in 2023. A link will be below.

 

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A Man of Prayer

A Man of Prayer – Mountains do not move but by the great efforts of many laborers. Yet the prayer of a righteous man with a mustard seed of faith can move the impossible and open the gates of heaven. If I cannot move a mountain alone with all my effort, how am I to raise a child? Much less the many I hope are granted to me. I cannot commit to exercise for more than a month, how do I expect 40+ years with my bride? Who am I without the graces of Heaven? A shadow of who God called me to be. Here is what I must do: My savior and king rose before the sun to pray – if he needed it, I need it more. I must become a man of prayer.

I want to be a man of prayer. Which means I do not want to be a man of self-sufficiency. Self-sufficiency sounds noble, it sounds strong. David Goggins has made a career out of telling men and others to “do it alone”. I have attempted the self-sufficiency kind of life and through many stubborn years I realized I am not very good at it.

I’ve wanted to be a man of prayer for several years. I had good intentions to rise early and pray but I almost never did. I would rise early, yes, but I didn’t pray. My good intentions were replaced with a different activity: reading. I love to read, I love to learn. But as a public confession, I chose reading because I was choosing the self-sufficiency of knowledge. In my pride, I believed knowledge would be all I needed.

I learned how to move a mountain, but I couldn’t do it. I learned how to be a man, but I couldn’t become one in the capacity I desired.

Without prayer, knowledge puffed me up. I was swollen with pride, sitting upon my tower of books and courses. Knowledge is supposed to be useful for others, not a means of feeling important. But without prayer, knowledge pushes charity out of the soul. “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.” How prideful was I? Lets just say I never lost an argument in my head. You wouldn’t believe how brilliant I was inside of my own mind. But I avoided most arguments with other people - I did not want my brilliance to be challenged. How prideful I am!

When I became a husband, my “brilliance” was challenged and shown for what it was. My wife wanted love, not facts; she wanted my affection, not sarcastic comments that come from a man puffed up with pride. When I became a father I found the mountain that could only be moved by prayer. Do you know how useless book knowledge is when it comes to comforting a screaming toddler? How useless are my many quotes when my wife is overwhelmed with all the duties of motherhood. I don’t need knowledge for that task, I need grace! Which means I need prayer.

Knowledge and prayer are similar in many ways. Both are done in silence. Both transform our mind and perspective. Both will make one powerful. But they diverge on this: Prayer delivers the divine love that leads to life; knowledge delivers the fruit of knowing good and evil. Or defining good and evil for ourself.

Why contrast prayer and knowledge? Because one of the smartest men who has ever lived wrote “if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.”

"I am nothing.”

You might say, “but that verse contrasts love and knowledge, not prayer and knowledge.” That’s true. But there is only one way to receive the love that transforms. I receive love from my wife by spending time with my wife. I give my children love by spending time with them. I receive the love that transforms by spending time with God which means I spend time with God in prayer.

I want to be a man of prayer. 

I need to be a man of prayer. 

Without it, I am a shadow of a man that God has asked me to be.

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